Saturday, September 30, 2006

Coming Home

Candles Lit
House cleaned
Dinner Plans at Demos
These were all great.

The smile on my husband's face, knowing that both our sons are doing well and a bouncing greeting from Annie, (who has been pronounced seriously ill, but does not seem to be buying the diagnosis) were all priceless welcome home gifts.

It is good to be home.
It is good to be thankful to be home.
It is good to not want to go away from the people I love.

It would be sad to never miss anyone
To look forward to being away

I am glad it is not as much fun to see new places, do new things without having the people I love there to share these experiences.

I am glad I am old fashioned and protective of my marriage and family.

This week I saw some very friendly out going people who found it easy to make decisions that would hurt
their children and certainly their marriages if they were exposed.

They were living two lives, maybe more.

I was glad I was not tempted to be like them.

I was glad I found it easy to walk away.

This gave me quite a bit of alone time.

More than I have been used to since getting married 4 years ago.

Lots of time to count my blessings.

At the end of a long week away...

I am so glad to say...

It is good to be glad I am home.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Seeing Too Much

Have you ever had a day where you were able to see too much, feel too much.

A day where you wish you knew less?

Ignorant Bliss.

You start the day off with expectations and then suddenly your world seems to change.

Really all that is changed is your perception of it.

What was happening that you were not aware of, was already there.

You just liked your world better when it was as you imagined it.

If you could, would you want to know everything about what was really happening?

Or would you prefer to live in a white picket fence world, imagining you are in control, things are as you wish?

On a day where you heart hurts so much you feel as you can not catch your breath....

You have lost your appetite for even your favorite things....

It is easy to understand how some people are tempted to give into the drug of ignorance...

Limiting yourself to only asking the easy questions...

Avoiding conflict...

Surface emotions.

It is cowardly, and lazy to live in intended ignorance,,,

But I do understand.

Over several years of my life I let myself remain in surface relationships.

I did not have any strong women in my life to challenge me and my wisdom.

My children paid for that.

There was so much to see, but I liked my white picket fences and so I was unwise.

It hurt to wake up.

I would like to say that I grew up and decided to do that.

Actually, it was forced on me.

Surprisingly, I am still a glass half full, "I think I can" person.

Sadly, I am less innocent, and it is easier for me to see more, feel more than I would like to.

Some days I just want to get up and paint the world the way I want it.

People keeping their promises, only speaking good things..

Children safe, making good decisions.

Friends really there when you need them.

Family functioning as a team.

God safe watching over us while a choir of angels serenade.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Conditioned Unconditional Love

I love my dog.

If I had to choose a pet, it would be a dog.

If I had to make a second choice for a pet, I am fairly confident it would not be a cat.

I also think I would have a hard time being married to a cat person.

I do have several friends that are cat people.

I also have friends and relatives that can go either way or both.

At different points in their lives they have had both cats and dogs.

Some of them have had multiple combinations of cats, dogs and just to show off they have had chickens, roosters and bunnies. No, surprisingly, they were not living on a farm.

I visited today with a cat person friend of mine today about why cat people who truly are not dog people are attracted to cat relationships.

We speculated that cat people do not like the amount of work it takes to house train a dog.
The level of focus on poop, walking the animal so they can poop, rewarding the animal when they poop, way to much effort.

Cats are more independent, more easily trained and cat people like it that way.

They get a level of unconditional love,
under the condition the cat gets
food, water and shelter...
a level of gratitude and affection is returned.

Even though life would seem easier if I was a cat person,
I know in my heart I would be wanting more from my cat relationship
than any cat would be able to give.

I am not saying that cat people are more shallow than dog people.

Maybe dog people are just more needy, so we choose pets like us that are less independent.

Having a pet that expects us to be there for them at certain times each day, helps us find balance.

Although I do not want cats, I am thankful for the cat people in my life.

They are very low maintenance, fairly confident in how they look, light on their feet and not afraid of mice.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Do It Yourself

Do you remember when it would have been rude to gas your own car?

You had to wait for the gas station attendant to take care of your re-fueling needs.

He (always a he) would also offer to check your fluids, your air in your tires and your windshield wipers.

He (who was sometimes as nice as Goober) would also clean your windshield for you.

Do you remember when a lady always had her groceries loaded into the car?

If you are over 40, you probably do.

You also remember the world has changed, mostly because of technology, but also out of an eye to the bottom line.

It is cheaper for most buisnesses if they can get you to do things yourself.

Well, the "Do It Yourself!" market has now moved over into a new industry.

The pizza market.

Papa Murphy's looks like an order out already to eat establishment, but they are actually
a "Take N Bake" establishment.

You order fresh and then take the food home and bake it.

Yep, we were tempted and in about 10 minutes we will find out if this pizza is worth the extra step and delay of immediate gradification.

I have gotta smile at American Ingenuity.....

Fresh homemade food to go.... go home to... do it yourself

Monday, September 11, 2006

I woke up with

Images, words, beginnings, endings, business plans, marketing concepts and a smile.
Yesterday morning, I woke up with the most fun series of creations.

The night before my huband and I went on an over the hills and through the woods drive
to see his father and grandmother.

During our drive my husband asked me, "What would you find it hard to live without?"

Actually, his first question was "What are you most passionate about?"

"Ummmm, I said?"

Then he came back with his second question, "What would you find it hard to live without?"

"Wow. Well I would definitely have a hard time going back to not believing there is a God and I would not want to be outside of his will. After that, we would have to take for granted we would not be in survival mode. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat and we are in good health."

"Of course. " He said.

"Well then, it is funny you just asked this question, because I was just thinking that I am very grateful that I am with someone who thinks young."

"Not only are you younger than me,
You still believe the best is yet to come.
You believe your best creations, your best opportunities....
....and your best memories have not been made yet."

"What I would not want to live without, would be hope."

"I love to plan, love to build.
I love to see the slab of a new building and imagining what will come next.
I love to hear anyone's new business plan and imagine with them where things will go."

"I would hate to live without hope. I would miss being part of a team that builds."

My husband is far more creative than I.
Our sons will achieve greatness for their abilities to see their unique dreams come into reality.
If anything prevented these things, I would be sad if they missed their time to shine.

If they are all OK, and we are not in survival mode, what makes me smile is building.

I went to sleep that night with hope.

I woke up that morning with plans. Part of me is excited. Part of me knows if I don't let myself get ahead too much...

If I take baby steps.....

Maybe, with help, I can build on this dream.

No matter what comes next, of this I am certain.

How powerful hope is.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Before You Asked Me To Save The World

You Should Have Asked Me First If I Liked It The Way It Was!

This was a great line in xXx, staring Vin Diesel.

I love it not because I am an anarchist, extreme sports fanatic or really even attracted to Vin. My sweet husband is far better looking.

I love the line because it is a such a good window into how well we all prejudge others by ideals we set for ourselves.

Clearly, our understanding of the world had changed.

And yet we hope, even after tragedy.

We hope for heroes.
We want to believe that there are people born to save the world.

If it came down to it, would we act in courage?
Would we make a decision to give our very best even if it meant physical harm?

If we can not answer yes...
What then?

Do we continue to let others carry our weight?
Let their families suffer more than ours?

Five years after 9 11....
I hope it has made us as Americans more tender...
More understanding of the needs of others...
More patient when faced with adversity...

Maybe we can not all be heroes...
Maybe we can be just better citizens, taking care of those with less.

Maybe we can just start with more friendly waves to people who don't look like us.

Maybe we can remember a time before 9 11 when we had to pull together as a nation.

Maybe we can begin to live like comrades in arms no matter what the security level is that day...

No matter what news has us looking over our shoulders.

And maybe, some of will get a chance to find out which of our neighbors are heroes.

And maybe, we will want to be in the trenches with them.