Sometimes Sweet, Sometimes Sour... Always Pickledsilly
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Get out of the way
Ouch. It is a hard lesson to learn. Sometimes the best thing we can do to help someone else is to get out of the way.
This can be true in teaching roles, and it is definately true when you look at the relationships you have with your adult children.
You have to let them make their own decisions.
You have to try to not argue or lecture when you do not agree with their decisions.
Even when they ask you for advice you have to be careful to not sound condesending.
In short, you have to relate to them as if they were not your kids, you relate to them as you would hope any nice, wise caring person would relate to you.
You can not make up for all the mistakes you made when your parents were trying to get you to listen.
My Dad's best advice was to pick my battles when our kids were teenagers.
I am sure I missed the big picture and did not always do this.
You can not go back and wipe away the pain you caused them because you, just like them were just doing your best to figure things out.
You have to still be there for them when they need you, but you can not protect them.
Ohhh, but you want to.
What is most amazing about parenting is how your love for your children only continues to grow.
They need you less and you love them more.
So hard to pull back and let them go be their own men.
So important to get out of the way and let them find their own way to shine.
Picure below is my more attractive blog double I have been working on budgets this week. Before this week, I have been travelling more than normal. Just for fun, I have mixed in a bit of speaking to some fun people down in Arkansas.
I actually like doing budgets. We are doing our normal budget version, where will we finish this year. We are also doing our normal budget version, where will we finish next year.
Just for fun, we are adding in what we expect for 2008 and 2009.
Here is what is funny. We can actually plan that far in advance with some accuracy.
Here is what is exciting. We begin to see exponential growth from the seeds we first planted last year.
It is encouraging to stop and plan when you can find your work will bear fruit.
In fact, I sit here at the end of a very long week more energized than I was on Monday walking in.
The realization of a strong ROI, brings energy and focus.
Here is the irony.
I have carefully laid out 3 years of hiring, spending, creating and profits.
I have no idea what I am doing this evening when I get home.
I hope I will be able to stay awake and head back down to Nashville to see our son play late tonight.
If it were at 8 or 9 (which actually would be bad for him as those are not great spots for a band), it would be an easy oh sure! We're in.
But as he is headlining, it will be 11 or later and I am not always young enough to start an evening that late.
Such a weak dilemma I know.
Here's hoping I am young enough to keep up with our son this evening and I don't wuss out as a tired pickle.
My sweet wonderful husband is forever reminding me to be where I am.
The analyst in me is looking back evaluating, learning from past history so as not to repeat mistakes. The dreamer in me is creating paths to the centers of new visions. Working through the details needed to safely arrive there.
In the midst of those two energies is now. The talent of being where you are whilst evaluating and dreaming is a practiced skill for me. It is not one that comes as naturally as planning or remembering.
Three energies controlled help one in fully enjoying and experiencing life and love.
A trinity of gifts working together if you let them.
Powerful rewards come to those who have experienced this kind of self-control and energy awareness.
The ultimate reward is to allow yourself to grow in love.
You know your past, you are passionate about your future and you are enjoying the journey of the day.
This combination allows for greater connections with those you love.
Passion, confidence and thankfulness create positive magnetic energies and they always help to facilitate closer relationships.
And Yet.... Even as I appreciate the now, I begin to get captivated by the next vision, creation and journey.... oh well... we are who we are.
Do you remember back in grade school getting report cards that let your parents know how you were doing?
There used to be a section where the teacher could let your parents know how you were doing socially.
Not everyone struggled with this, but some did.
If your parents were enlightened, finding out that your child was struggling with making friends and fitting in, probably helped.
If your parents struggled with this still as adults, this was probably a nightmare for you.
Insecure people struggle with handling constructive advice.
The pointing of fingers, making excuses and the avoidance of the real issues affecting the child began.
Leap with me for a minute to our election year here in TN.
I have watched commercials filled with this very behavior in the Corker vs. Ford battle.
To be fair, before the name calling began, I may have missed commercials that stated what each candidate had in mind if they were actually elected.
The last two commercials aired a few minutes ago. One each for each candidate.
Ford was accused of following in his father's footsteps.
Corker was accused of being good at running a business that would prosper.
Oh yes, these were only the core of the commercials. The sarcastic tones and the hint of what was left unsaid was intended to make you wonder what was really going on.
These commercials were aired during the news.
The saddest part of this is that the news reported that 150 Fort Campbell soldiers have died so far in our Fight Against Terror.
I know that as long as there are humans in this world we will have conflict.
We don't get to pick who gets born.
We do want people in office that are smarter than the average bear, focused on results, good at running a business, have family values that say service to your country is a good idea and if it is not to much to ask, maybe they can find a way to play well with others.
If this were a high school election, I would recommend all members of the chess team, pep club, debate club and marching band and choir pull together for a write in candidate.
"Don't Make Me Come Over There!"
As this is the real world, let's hope that who ever wins grows up before they take office.
“They, that unnamed "they," they've knocked me down but I got up. I always get up-and I swear when I went down quite often I took the fall; nothing moves a mountain but itself. They, I've long ago named them me.” -Gregory Corso
This morning I did something new.
I found a way to fall in a 2 by 2 ft shower.
I fell fast.
I fell hard.
I remember laughing at myself on the way down.
I have said more than once that I will likely die falling down laughing.
I hit the metal edge of the shower.
The much used "That will leave a mark on a person" came to mind.
I will have a bruise that looks like Zorro got started and then got called away mid Z.
I will have to put my plans to be a "back model" (it is one of my better features) on hold for a bit.
Annie, tried and true was there to watch my spill.
The look on her face was comical.
As if to say, "what in the world are you thinking mom".
Clearly, not thinking, just stepping out...
Into the shower and then flight.
I did watch Heros last night.
It would be nice to belief that instead of a preponderance of in-agility,
I actually have the start of new super hero talents, early signs of flight perhaps.
I just need practice.
More likely my life is closer to the quote at the start of this blog.
No new talents
They did not cause my fall.
Just me.
Thankfully, life is not measured in how many times we fall but instead...
How many times are we willing to get back up... and maybe we get extra credit for how much we are willing to laugh at ourselves.
I am have been blessed with a sweet, talented, sexy husband. We have two sons that will leave a dynamic mark on the world.
We have between us four sisters and four brothers who have given us four nephews and five nieces.
We love spontanious times together, creative times filled with new concepts and most of all being there for our families when we can.
