It is not what happens to you in life

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Day five
First let me start with thank you for the cards, calls and comments.
I am so thankful for all of your friendships.
I was touched by the common understanding of how painful it is to be where we were onTuesday.
The first day was mostly heart wrenching.
The second day toggled between heart wrenching and hurt.
The third day more hurt than heart wrenching mixed with numb,
numb came at first on its own
Numb became choice day 4...yesterday.

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It would have been easy to give in to Numb.
To be a person who handles loss as if it is expected, but it does not touch me for long.
Right or wrong, for me...numb, not caring, distancing myself ...
that does not sound like someone I want to become.

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A part of me wants to go rescue a puppy for Micheal and I from the pound,
Maybe some day.
A part of me wants to find out if I could donate money for a puppy to be given to a shut in who needs a friend.
My dad has been on my mind this week as his health is not good.
He is not here in TN, we talk often, but I am at a loss to help him first hand.
Maybe doing something for other elderly people and for pups that need a home will help.

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Back to the decision not to stay numb.
I handle stress better when I turn to working out and prayer.
So, we went to the gym yesterday morning.
I woke up without tears yesterday.
Mostly, I was numb.
The problem with numb is you are distant from the people who are still with you.
I could see the dangers in staying numb and how unfair that would be to people whom I care about.

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Thankfully, "Happy Feet", was playing in our cardio theater.
I adore this move.
As a person who knows she can not sing, but has convinced herself she can dance...
(no comments please on this one, I like my illusions)
I love this movie.
The first time we saw the movie was with our nephew.
The second time was yesterday.
You always catch new things on a second viewing... especially with great films that have many layers.

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What made me smile yesterday, was the example of
"It is not what happens to you in life, but what you make of it."
A funny looking older penguin gets elavated to a regal position because he was able to turn his encounter with pollution into a badge of honor.
Because something happened to him, a six pack plastic holder got caught around his neck, and he survived and was able to convince himself and then other penguins that this experience had made him stronger...
He became a hero, a mentor to them.
I am not proposing that we manufacture our experiences into myths to get where we want to go.
I was however, thankful to be reminded that we can make something positive happen, even when we are scared, even when we are hurting.

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Last note..
A couple of years ago I watched a program on aging...
specifically on people who were still living independently
At age 100!
They had 2 things in common.
They all agreed that they handled change and loss well.
As I listended to thier testimonies of their lives, it would be easy to understand that there were times when they could have given into bitterness, heartbreak or the more subtle emotion... numb.
Some how they bounced back.

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On day 5,
I still want Annie back
I hurt again this morning, having beaten numb back.
But I am starting to smile...

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