Journeys

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Our youngest will be away from home this holiday.

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He is out in California this week and then in Texas next week.
He will get to spend some time with my brothers tomorrow.

Both my brothers are strikingly handsome men.
Both my brothers have a son and one also has a daughter.
All of their children are also very good looking, funny and smart.
Their children are much younger than mine.

It is more like our sons are uncles instead of cousins when you look at their ages.
At 23 Nick has seen more than I had by the time I was 33.
I was in love with being a mom as a first priority from 21 to 34.
A vacation for me was going to see family with family in tow.

My world view up to age 34 was very sheltered.
I really had no understanding of how painful some people's lives were.

I have a great deal of respect for my brothers.
I also like the man Nick is becoming.
He has such high aspirations.
He has the talent to reach them.

I am hoping that Nick will learn things on this trip that will help him on his journey.
Things a mother can not teach.
Things maybe an older uncle will understand.
You don't leave behind your work, responsibilites and lessons when you travel.
But I have found some distance coupled with wisdom from family will help you grow.
His journey is not about me, it is his alone to grow in.
My journey is to get better at stepping back and watching him go.

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One last thought. Stretch marks.

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Scars
Reminders of a time where your child inside of you, grew, kicked, swam and slept.
Your body stretched, making room for your child to grow.
Beautiful traces of another time when your child grew without permission.

Internally, as your childern move away there are new stretch marks.
You let them go but your love stretches.
Making room for you to become more nurturing, more patient, less selfish.

The first year I was without our sons on Christmas, I made a decision to
go spend the day at a Nursing Home. I knew if I was not busy, I would have a hard time focusing on what I had rather than what was not with me. Micheal and I had a blast visiting with people time had forgotten.

As I think ahead to this holiday, we will have so much to be thankful for. I know myself, I will still have to stay busy. I think I know where I may be again this year.